The Great Massage Scam: A Blissful Trap You’ll Happily Pay For Again and Again

Massages—those luxurious, deeply relaxing experiences that promise to melt away stress, soothe aching muscles, and restore your body to peak condition. They are sold as a necessary tool for recovery, wellness, and even enlightenment. But what if I told you that massages are, in fact, the most delightful scam ever invented?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am forever grateful to the skilled practitioners who dedicate their lives to easing the suffering of others with their hands, feet, and even elbows. These warriors of wellness perform absolute wonders. But let’s get real—it never lasts.

The Temporary Fix That Becomes a Permanent Commitment

The magic of a good massage is undeniable. You walk in feeling like a crumpled piece of paper and walk out like a perfectly ironed silk sheet. Your back is loose, your joints are mobile, your mind is at peace. Life is good again.

Then—BAM! Twenty-four hours later, reality sets in. The stiffness creeps back in, the soreness returns, and suddenly, that heavenly bliss is just a distant memory. You realize the awful truth: massages are not a cure—they are a subscription service.

The Cycle of Massage Dependence

Like an addict chasing their next fix, I now find myself rearranging my schedule just to fit in my daily session. That’s right. Not weekly, not bi-weekly—daily. Because the relief is so fleeting, I am now beholden to the tyranny of massage tables and the rhythmic kneading of an expert’s hands.

One day off? Instant regret. Two days off? I may as well have never gone in the first place. My muscles, realizing they have been momentarily granted mercy, seize up with a vengeance if left unattended. It’s as if my body has learned the joys of relaxation and now refuses to function without it.

The Price We Pay for Bliss

The worst part? I happily hand over my money every single time. Massages don’t promise a permanent fix, and yet we go back willingly, knowing full well that tomorrow we will be in the same boat. Because, let’s be honest—it feels absolutely amazing.

So yes, massages are a scam. But they are also one of the few scams that bring pure, unfiltered joy to their victims. And for that, I say thank you to every therapist who has ever pummeled, twisted, or elbowed my tension into submission. See you tomorrow.

Question:

Have you fallen victim to the Great Massage Scam? How often do you go back for more? Share your addiction story in the comments!